Motherhood isn’t always what we expect. Like many new mothers in the church, I knew that motherhood would be hard, reveal the depths of my sinful heart, and require increased dependence on God. What I didn’t expect were the terrifying intrusive thoughts and suffocating depression. After our first child was born, disturbing images of harm coming to my baby filled my mind, turning protective love into obsessive-compulsive disorder. Determined to avoid that kind of suffering with our second daughter, I prepared as well as I knew how, only to come face to face with a darkness and doubt I did not know existed.
I’m not alone. Twenty percent of new mothers encounter depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, bipolar disorder, or psychosis during pregnancy or the year following birth. Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs) are more than just the average difficulties that accompany motherhood. Although well-meaning friends and family may assume a mom is simply overwhelmed or ill-prepared, PMADs are disorders: what women with PMADs feel is disproportionate to their circumstances. In the church, the value given to motherhood can make PMADs even more painful, because there seems to be no place to voice our misery.
Because PMADs affect one in five mothers, members of your church have experienced them, and some may be suffering from them right now. The sister with a baby in the pew in front of you may be depressed despite the smile on her face. The friend who is isolating herself may be unable to cope. Pastors, the anxious new mothers you shepherd are in need of your counsel and prayers. I have been that woman three times.
We may hide our pain in public and hesitate to share our struggles. We may feel ashamed, believing that no other woman resents her baby or that good Christian mothers can’t be this anxious. We may be unable to focus, making conversation and corporate worship difficult.
But we need the church as we wade through PMADs.
The design of the body of Christ makes her one of the greatest helps for suffering mothers. The church is equipped with both theological truth and compassionate care that can offer support for body and soul. While each woman’s needs will vary, there are three main ways the church can come alongside us as we suffer.
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The Sorrows of Eve 