Some of my healing from PMADs always came through lifestyle changes: simpler meals, my husband doing dishes and taking the girls for a bit every day, supplements prescribed by my doctor, and cutting out processed sugar.
But even when doing everything we could to ease the physical side, there was still a lot of difficulty, and as more time went on, I started seeing more and more lies I was believing. Until I saw the lies, I couldn’t fight them with truth. Before I knew that the words rolling around in my mind were antithetical to what I said I believed, I couldn’t do anything to change my self-talk. So it starts with realizing what lies you’re believing.
The Lies I Believed in Postpartum Depression
Here are some of the ones that I most often told myself:
- I don’t love my baby.
- If I respond to one kid’s crying, I don’t love the other one as much.
- My baby is so easy; I shouldn’t be having a hard time.
- This is all because I’m just a bad mom and can’t handle two kids.
- Asking for help is shirking my responsibility.
- I need a break.
- The baby not sleeping well is my fault.
- No one else feels this way.
The Truth Depression Blinded Me To
Do any of those sound familiar to you? Take a minute to go back up and think about what’s actually true or what’s wrong with each of those statements. Here’s an example of just one way to respond to each of them:
- I don’t love my baby BUT if I am caring for her, putting aside my wants to meet her needs – then I am loving her, even when that love isn’t an overwhelming feeling.
- If I respond to one kid’s crying, I don’t love the other one as much. No! The measure of my love for my kids is not the amount of attention they get, or how little they cry!
- She’s such an easy baby; I shouldn’t be having a hard time. Actually, there are so many more factors in my life than just a baby’s temperament!
- This is all because I’m just a bad mom and can’t handle two kids. Again, there are so many more factors at work, like hormones, making it difficult to cope. But, even if it ever is purely my sin, Christ’s work on the cross is still enough, and His Spirit is here helping me and so is His church!
- Asking for help is shirking my responsibility. No! I need others’ help for all of life, but especially for raising kids!
- I should be able to do it on my own by now. Whose standard is that? Are the people I think are doing it all on their own really doing it all on their own?
- God isn’t listening to my prayers. Scripture tells me He is! But His design in my struggles right now is different than what I think it should be.
- I need a break! But scrolling Facebook isn’t what I need. I will ask Ezra to take the girls when he gets home. Or I can’t get one now so we’ll figure something out. Or the kids can watch a video. And if no break is possible, a break is not my greatest ‘need,’ that’s been met in Christ.
- The baby not sleeping well is my fault. It’s not my fault she woke up early from her nap, even if I did put her down at a bad time. Even something is my fault… does it really matter?
- No one else feels this way. But I haven’t been inside anyone else’s head, so I can’t know that! Anything with always, never, everyone, or no one is likely a lie.
Believing the Truth
It seems so simple to write it all out like that, but in the moment it can be hard to identify any lies, so here are a few tips for digging into your thoughts to turn from lies and align your mind with God’s Word:
In moments of stress/feeling overwhelmed:
1. Stop:
– What is making me feel this way? Sin? Overstimulation? Something else?
– Am I believing a lie about what needs to get done, who I am, etc? Are my thoughts true and honorable?
– What can I do about it? How can I glorify God and know Him more in this situation?
2. Then:
– Repent of any sin to God & others
– Renew your mind, reviewing and applying truth to your situation. What does scripture say?
– Fix your eyes on Jesus and His endurance and do the next thing (that means move on and don’t let it drag you down!).
To prepare for those moments:
1. Meditate on Scripture, not Facebook, Pinterest, or Instagram. Memorize hymns and Scripture.
2. Take a few moments alone with God every day to pray.
3. Have a playlist of music that fills your mind with truth.
4. Keep a thankful list, especially of things that don’t change.
5. Study God – the more we know Him, the more we become like Him and the more we know how to handle every situation, and the more we can let things go as we know His goodness and sovereignty more.
The Sorrows of Eve 